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I MEAN, P-L-L-EASE!

Maybe I’m naïve. But I find some of these marketing hypes on which companies spend sacks of cash rather mind-boggling.

 

A few weeks ago, I read about Coca-Cola’s new ‘Live on the Coke Side of Life” campaign. It was a big splash (of Coke). According to the company’s marketing gods, the new campaign seeks to bring “happiness, optimism and positivity to the lives of the younger generation.”

 

“We hope to make people live happier by encouraging them to see a more positive side of life and become more forward looking.” Just by drinking more Coke? What a load of stomach gas!

 

That wasn’t all. There was competing balderdash from MTN’s sales & marketing samurais. They’re driving their campaign with what they call the “GO” philosophy:

 

“The core of the GO campaign is meant to mobilize people; to make people GO and realise their dreams, to be active rather than passive. MTN believes that anybody can do something amazing and therefore celebrates the people that try. These people who refuse to sit back and watch, but have the courage to give every opportunity a shot, are the people who make history, they don’t just read it.” I mean, honestly!

 

Please stop getting all philosophical on me when all I hear is the echo of my own voice when I’m trying to make a call. You, MTN, should take your own advice by being active in improving the quality of your service. Now, will you cut out the motivational manure and stay with the programme — that of facilitating a simple phone call? Now, you GO!

 

The other irritating gimmick is when a company, trying to cure flagging sales or fight off competition from a superior product, introduces a competition under the pretext of “rewarding customers for their loyalty.” Bollocks!

 

These fattened marketing strategists are straying further and further away from the essence and purpose of the product/service they’re hired to tout. It seems that the more contrived, esoteric and pretentious the campaign, the more impressed the cigar-chomping directors are.

 

Ah, well! If you’re desperate for some pep in your sorry life and are hoping to discover it inside a bottle of Coke, or expecting your dreams to be delivered with your sim-card, then I suppose your pathetic condition is deserved!

 

If you can be had by such drivel, then I have a piece of property I’d like to sell to you. I can point it out on a clear night.   Because it’s on the moon!

Just bring along a signed blank cheque. You pathetic little victim!

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